Ray has been to all my office visits.  This plastic surgeon should be a piece of cake and Ray was going to be busy with meetings at work, so I went by myself.  WHAT A BIG MISTAKE!!!!

I just got an earful from the plastic surgeon.  Not good at all and I have too many options when it comes to having cancer in BOTH breasts.  I am also somewhat big on top, for the last 3 years….hahaha…. which makes it worse, a size D.  It seemed this plastic surgeon wanted to perform a lumpectomy, do a breast reduction on me, lift the breasts, and mentioned how awesome I would look.  Then I would have radiation which can deform breasts, and since early DCIS can come back (as she knocks on her wooden desk and as I think about it, she did it several times), I would then have to get a mastectomy and I could not have reconstruction because radiation would kill good breast tissue, and I would not heal properly to have a breast reconstruction.  What the heck??  She also went on to say that the breast surgeon really does not do much of anything, and breast surgeon is more like a coach while the plastic surgeon does EVERYTHING.  She continued and said I really don’t have cancer.  I looked at her in shock and said, “Well…… I have microinvasion on my left.”  Plastic surgeon said, “I thought it was just the right side that you have DCIS!”  I told her I had cancer in BOTH and my left was already microinvasion.  She looked puzzled and then brushed it off and said, “Well, you really don’t have cancer!”  Again, I was shocked and thought to myself then WHY THE HECK am I having an ultrasound with possible lymph node biopsy procedure within 24 hours?

The plastic surgeon seemed to be in a mood.  She seemed like she was busy and wanted to head home as I was her last appointment of the day.  She kept saying how we could reschedule this appointment for another time!!  Are you kidding me?  She has NO IDEA how difficult it was for me to leave work for this appointment.

Right now??  I am just ready to say FORGET ALL OF THIS and I am ready to lose it.  I DON’T WANT TO DO ANY OF THIS!!!!  I am ready to just say…..FORGET IT ALL….no surgery, no NOTHING and just pretend none of this has happened.

But now, I have to deal with this lymph node ultrasound with possible biopsy of my lymph nodes TOMORROW and I hate to say it…….but….. I am beginning to wonder if it is in my lymph node area.  There is no logical explanation of how it can be, since my cancer is supposed to be localized and actually, the plastic surgeon said, I actually don’t have real cancer?? Yay!  AWESOME!!!  The cancer is just precancer cells she states.  SO WHY THE HECK am I having an ultrasound with possible core biopsy in my armpit area to check and see if cancer is in my lymph nodes??  Why bother then??  Sorry, you all are getting the brunt of how I am feeling.  I wish to God there was a lump, then it would help me to decide better of what route to take and know what the heck I am doing.  The procedure tomorrow could show I am stage 3 and be invasive, yet plastic surgeon just told me I don’t have cancer??

Talk about an emotional roller coaster ride again.  There is NO WAY I am ever going to work with this plastic surgeon.