The oncologist was very nice.  She asked a lot of questions about my past history.  The oncologist said I would need to take tamoxifen and have to undergo 6 weeks, every day of radiation, if I chose the lumpectomy route.   The radiation and lumpectomies could deform my breasts.  It all depends how much tissue needs to be taken out or destroyed.  If I choose the mastectomy route, no chemo, no radiation, and no tamoxifen because all the breast tissue will be gone and if no invasion, no need for anything to be done after mastectomy.  The visit did not last very long.  I was exhausted when the oncologist visit was finished.  My brain was on overload.

When I went home,  I immediately called the genetic testing center.  They were sending me in the mail a packet of information with pages of questions to answer.  Then I am scheduled for a consult to go over information and to figure out which genetic testing needs to be done.

Next step is to schedule plastic surgeon visit.

Ray and I arrived to the hospital to meet the breast surgeon.  I couldn’t eat a thing this morning.  I was a nervous wreck and still shocked I have breast cancer in BOTH breasts.  While waiting in the waiting room, my name was called and a very nice  MA walked us back to the examining room.  The MA went over my medications and took my vitals.  Then she stated she read in my report about how I was told of my diagnosis, and said what an awful way to be told of my results.  She then gave me a hug and said I will be okay and then she left the room.  It didn’t take long and the breast surgeon came into the room.   My breast surgeon introduced herself and decided to go over my results.

My right breast was DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) and it was intermediate grade, cribriform, no mass, and considered stage 0.  It was fed by 33% estrogen and 3% progesterone.

My left breast was DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) with microinvasion and was high-grade, no mass, comedo (consists of cells that seem cytologically malignant, with the presence of high-grade nuclei, pleomorphism, and abundant central luminal necrosis. Comedo-type DCIS appears to be more aggressive, with a higher probability of associated invasive ductal carcinoma) and was considered not really a stage 1, but more a stage 0.3-0.5.  It was 95% estrogen fed and 75% progesterone fed.

The cancer I have, was fortunately caught early.

My breast surgeon was really nice and stated I had options.  I could have lumpectomies in both breasts with radiation every day for 6 weeks after the lumpectomy surgery.  Then I would have to undergo double breast MRIs once a year for the rest of my life,  breast mammograms every 6 months for the rest of my life, and take Tamoxifen for the rest of my life.   I already had seen a breast surgeon 6 years ago who had me try taking Primrose to help reduce breast cysts.  The Primrose ended up making me have a period for 3 months in a row and massive nonstop headaches, and I started developing uterine cysts.  I was told to immediately get off the Primrose from my primary doctor who stated I should never ever take any type of alternating hormonal medication as my body does not like any hormone changes.  As I was listening to my breast surgeon, there was no way I was wanting to take the Tamoxifen (which there is a slight increase of causing uterine cancer).   The other option the breast surgeon stated was having mastectomies and highly recommended immediate reconstruction.  If I go this route, no chemo or radiation, no tamoxifen, no more breast MRIs and no more mammograms, AND no tamoxifen.  I would basically be 100% cancer free.  I could also have a mastectomy on my left and have lumpectomy on my right.  It was up to me to decide.

I was sitting in the chair thinking, if my cancer was caught early, why all the drastic measures to take?  Why can’t I just have a lumpectomy and be done with it all.  Why radiation?  Why is there an option for a mastectomy?

I kept looking over at Ray to see facial expressions and what he might be thinking.  There was a knock on the door and the surgeon had to leave to take a call.  Ray said to me, mastectomy might be the option to take so I would not have to be on the tamoxifen and have the peace of mind of not having cancer come back.  Ray said, “I want you healthy and to live and stay in my life so we can grow old together!”

The surgeon came back into the room and I asked her, “Why cancer in BOTH breasts!”  Her response was either I have the worst, stupidest bad luck or it is genetics.  The surgeon wanted me to have genetic testing done.  She did not believe it was BRCA, but believed it was some form of genetics in my family.

I told the breast surgeon that I was leaning toward a mastectomy on my left since it was comedo with microinvasion and maybe a lumpectomy on my right, but not sure yet.  The breast surgeon stated the next step she wanted me to take was to have a double breast MRI with and without contrast performed.  The MRI would show up any hot spots of new cancer cells or areas that may have been missed on the mammogram.  Also, right after my office visit with the breast surgeon, I was to head to the radiology department to undergo a chest x-ray, just to make sure nothing shows up.

The office visit was over and a lot of info was given to me in one sitting and in a few hours, we meet the oncologist and more info will be given about what to do with my breast cancer.  I really liked this breast surgeon.  She was very caring and informative.

Ray and I walked out of the examining room and headed to the radiology department.   I was taken to a room to have the chest x-ray.  The x-ray was done quickly.  I was told the results would be within a few hours and I would be getting a call from the breast surgeon’s office about the results.

Ray and I left the hospital and headed to a restaurant to try and get some food in me for the next visit to the oncologist.   I started thinking about the chest x-ray and what if there were signs of cancer?   Within the hour, the breast surgeon’s office called me and told me my chest x-ray results looked normal.  WHAT A RELIEF!

I am seeing the breast surgeon at 8:30AM tomorrow (Thurs) morning and the oncologist at 1:40PM tomorrow afternoon. I am to be prepared to ask questions and hopefully get an earful which will probably make me sick and super tired with too much info thrown at me and given many options of what to do.  Ray is going with me to the appointments, even though he is on call at work and working from home.  What I want to know is, what kind of sick, evil, mean cancer cells do not form a mass or tumor (like everyone I know who has breast cancer) and then these cells are trying to get out of the duct???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  These evil cells of mine must be some kind of aggressive mean babies who hate each other to not form a buddy system to create a tumor. I am wondering if this is some type of rare cancer.  See?? See how I begin to analyze and over think what kind of cancer this could be and all I am doing is putting fear in me??  So far, since Monday morning, I have complete peace. I know I am going to be okay and this is cureable.  I know this cancer was caught super early. If I had chosen the route to wait another 6 months?? These cells (who already are working their way out of the duct) could have been a disaster waiting to happen, like Stage 3 cancer with 4 being metastasized. I even called the hospital, where I had my mammo, and told the front desk to leave a message to the radiologist to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart that he agreed and was leaning toward the biopsy, just to make sure we catch anything early, even if it was a 20% chance of what I had on my mammo, being positive.

Finally, on 09/22/2014, Monday morning came and I waited till 8:15am to call the breast surgeon’s office.  A girl on the phone asked why I was coming in and I started crying, telling her I was told I have ductal carcinoma in BOTH breasts and I am not sure what is going on.  I didn’t know if I am dying in 3 months because it spread like wild fire, or if cancer was caught early, or did they find a tiny mass or what.  I explained how I was notified of my diagnosis and was left hanging all weekend, not knowing WHAT THE HECK was going on.  The front office girl stated what a horrible way of finding out my diagnosis and not getting full information.  She told me to call the nurse navigator who scheduled my biopsy.   The nice girl on the phone scheduled my surgical appointment for Thursday, 09/25/2014 at 8:30am.

I then called the oncologist and made an appointment for the same date of the breast surgeon, Thursday, 09/25/2014 at 1:30pm.   Then I called the nurse navigator, Diane.

I didn’t think Diane would remember me.  Normally, you have to leave a message and then nurses call back.  This time when I called, the nurse picked up the phone.  I said, “Hi, this is Nadine and I am not sure if you remem….”  “NADINE”, Diane says.  “Oh my dear, did you get your results????”  I stated, yes and how it was handled and started crying.  I was so emotional.   The nurse stated, “Who was this person’s name who told you your results, and to tell you the truth…. that was completely shitty how she handled giving the results, especially at closing time on a Friday.”  “Oh Nadine, I am so sorry and I am reporting that PA because how many others has she done that too and she needs to never report a diagnosis to another person that way again.”  The nurse asked who was my breast surgeon and oncologist.  The nurse stated I have the best surgeon ever and everyone loves her and wants to work for her.  Also, the oncologist is outstanding and both the oncologist and surgeon work very well together and will help fight this battle for me and I have the best team.  She also went on to say, if I had some other surgeon or oncologist and she didn’t care for, she would have directed me to someone else who was good, like my current surgeon.

Then the nurse stated I was one of the most wonderful, nicest, funniest, easiest patient to work with when performing the biopsy.  Everyone came into the office about an hour ago (Monday morning) and they all wanted to know if Nadine’s results came back.  They couldn’t wait for the news that it was going to be negative.  When they saw the results, they were shocked and dumbfounded.  Even the pathologist had to check to make sure that the results were not mixed up with someone else and they were so sorry to hear the news.   This is what the nurse navigator stated to me on the phone.

Lastly, the nurse says, “I am now going to give you your results, are you ready?” I sat down and said, “I….. am….ready.”  Diane spoke in a super slow, soft, and calm voice and stated, “Your right…. breast. You have NO mass, NO tumor, NO lump! You have ductal carcinoma…..in situ (I gasped in relief because this is the best kind of cancer to have).  She went on to say, “You have pre-cancer cells starting to form inside the duct and it is localized, and this Nadine….is cureable.”  “Next…..left breast, you have NO mass, NO tumor, and…..NO lump.”  “You have precancer cells that are starting to form inside the duct (Again, she says this super slowly, softly and calmly) and you have 1…. maybe 2 cells which is…..questionable that are trying to or did go through the duct, but still….holding onto outside the duct…..and did not separate from the duct.  You have……ductal…. carcinoma in situ with microinvasion ….. and ……..this……. is……… CUREABLE!”  What a relief of joy!

The weekend was horrible.  One minute, I had peace, the next fear came in and self analyzing talk going through my head.  I kept reminding myself that the results were to arrive in 3-10 days, but these results came back in 26-28 hours and this cancer had to be  so bad that it was spreading like wild-fire for the results to come back that quickly, without any hesitation, showing I have cancer.

I tried to keep clinging to what the radiologist told me.  He said I had the small microcalcifications in a cluster in both breasts.  Could be a dozen reasons why, but one bad reason could be precancer cells forming and these cells don’t know what they are doing and are dying off causing microcalcifications, but that would be a 20% chance of being positive.  Radiologist also said we could wait 3 or even 6 months to have another mammogram and see if the cells start forming a mass and then have a biopsy, or just go ahead and do a double breast biopsy now.  We both agreed to have the biopsy soon, instead of waiting to do another mammogram down the road.

I went to church Sunday morning, I went up front for prayer.  I was told I was the poster child for that morning service as the sermon was about having peace during trials.  After church service, Ray and I was walking to our car and we ran into a couple who attend our small Bible group.  I know God placed Laura and Mark right at the perfect time because I let a lot out and they were there with open arms, open hearts and were so caring and knew exactly what to say and do.  I am so thankful for that moment and will not forget that time.

I just wanted to know what type of cancer I had and I asked the physician assistant, but she didn’t give me any information and didn’t want me to look up any info on the Internet.  It was an emotional, long-enduring 2 day weekend.

On 09/19/2014, my cell phone rang at 4:45pm.  I didn’t get to my phone in time and noticed someone left a message.  The phone number didn’t look familiar.  It happened to be my primary physician leaving me a message.  The message stated the results came in and she was bummed I was not home and I was to call the office as soon I received her message.   As I was listening to the message,  I looked at the time and it was now 4:50pm, on a Friday, and I knew I had only minutes to spare since the office was going to close in 10 minutes.  I didn’t even bother listening to the rest of the phone message.  I immediately called the office.  As the phone was ringing, I kept saying to myself, pick up, pick up the phone.  I started panicking and thinking, how in the world could the results be in already?  It has only been less than 24 hours and I was told it would take AT LEAST 3 to 10 days!   Someone answered and I was put on hold.  It is now 5:03pm, after hours on a Friday.

A physician assistant gets on the phone (I have no idea who this person is) and states, “Hi, Yep…..you are positive, you have ductal carcinoma in BOTH breasts.”  I was in complete shock.  I fell back in a blue wingback chair.  My mind all of a sudden was in a fog.  My throat was tightening up.  My mind was racing and I started to think, maybe I did not hear her correctly??  “I….have…… WHAT?”, I stated.  She states it louder thinking I didn’t hear her, “Oh! I guess you were NOT expecting this news?  Well… you have DUCTAL CARCINOMA IN BOTH BREASTS!!!”  My mind went racing again.  How could this be???  I started thinking and reminded myself that I was told by a radiologist, along with 4 nurses to not worry, and a pathologist/doctor who performed my biopsy who stated the radiologist wants to cover his butt, and an internist who also watched the pathologist perform the biopsy that my biopsy results would be 80% NEGATIVE.  I then said slowly to the PA, “Is this in situ? (better kind to have) or is it……”.   PA says, “All the lab report shows is… YOU HAVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA IN BOTH BREASTS!!!!”  “And…..you cannot Google anything and I will send you an email of the surgeon and oncologist to contact first thing Monday morning.”  “You need to speak to the surgeon for more details…..I have another phone call and I have go, so look for my email and call the surgeon for more information.”   She hangs up.

There I sat, in a blue chair in the living room.  I couldn’t call my navigator nurses, the lab, or anyone because everything is now closed for the weekend.  It is now 5:10pm.  I couldn’t talk to anyone till Monday morning.  The weekend was going to be a nightmare, waiting for Monday.  Because the results came back so early,  I thought my cancer was spreading like wildfire.  I have no idea what type of cancer I am dealing with.  How could this person just leave me hanging like this through the whole weekend??

One minute, I am busy getting dinner started and my life is doing okay and the next minute?  It all changes, JUST LIKE THAT!  A snap of the fingers.  Just hearing the words, “YOU HAVE CANCER IN BOTH BREASTS” is enough to make your head spin and turns your life upside down.

I wanted to call my mom, but she died at age 57 back in 2000 from complications of rheumatoid arthritis.  I called my Great Aunt Moynell in Michigan who had a mastectomy done 5 years ago because of  2 cancerous lumps.  I have been close to her, especially since my mom died in 2000.   My mom’s sister, my aunt, died around age 59 (10 months after my mom died) from breast cancer because she secretly stopped the Tamoxifen and cancer spread to Stage 4.  This was years ago for my aunt and now there are new methods and drugs to treat cancer.

I was on the phone with my great Aunt when I saw my daughter pull into the driveway.  She was home from college visiting the weekend.  I told my aunt I had to get off the phone because Kelsey was walking up the sidewalk.  Kelsey walked in the house and I told Kels, “Immediately text your dad and tell him it is an emergency and to come home NOW!!!”  She didn’t hesitate and texted her dad.  Ray was now on his way home.  I told Kelsey we were going to have a family meeting in the living room once dad gets home.  Ray came home and as he walked through the front door, he was alert with a bewildered look on his face.  We all sat in the living room and I began to tell Kelsey and Ray about my conversation with the physician assistant.  I stated I had breast cancer, in both breasts.  Ray said,  “They must have the wrong results and mixed them up with someone else’s results.”  After all, I was told it would be only a 20% chance of having breast cancer.  I actually thought the same thing Ray did.  Kelsey said we have to pray and kept asking if I was going to be okay.

I told Kels I would be fine, but in reality, I didn’t know what to think!  It is now Friday evening.  I cannot call ANYONE!  I can’t call my doctor, the nurse navigators at the hospital, the pathology department, or the hospital who performed my breast biopsy, NOT ONE PERSON who could give me my results.   I finally received the email from the physician assistant who told me my results over the phone.  I couldn’t call the breast surgeon or the oncologist in that email.  Everything is closed now for the weekend.  I have to wait about 64 hours till I can call my new breast surgeon to schedule an appointment.  I don’t even want to call the oncologist.  An ONCOLOGIST??  Just the thought of an oncologist and sitting in the waiting room made me sick to my stomach.  I don’t even want to step foot in her office.  I don’t even know what kind of breast cancer is in my breasts or has it metastasized everywhere else in my body!  No one can tell me what is going on.   One minute I think I am going to die in a few weeks since I have cancer in BOTH breasts.  Then the next minute, I kept remembering how I was told by so many that it would be an 80% chance of me being negative for breast cancer.  I will have the longest weekend of my life to deal with before Monday morning at 9:00 am.

I started crying and couldn’t believe my results and why BOTH BREASTS!!  Why both!!!!

“Fire And Rain” song by JAMES TAYLOR

Talk about more stress!!!!!  The next day, after my mammo results, I was in such shock to think I could have cancer.  I didn’t feel good and I was very bewildered about my mammo results.  I kept thinking what the heck was I going to do if I have cancer???

It was Saturday and I kept myself busy doing yard work.  My husband and I just finished laying down fresh new bark dust.  I took a shower and my daughter thought it would be a good idea for me to get out of the house and decided to take me out for dinner.  Ray was exhausted with all the yard work and had some unfinished work at his job and so he stayed home.

Kelsey and I left the house around 7:25 pm and headed out to a restaurant.  BJ’s was mobbed.  We ordered and all of a sudden, I get a text from Ray stating, “House behind us on fire!”  I text him back, “What, a kitchen fire or BBQ fire?”  I told Kels and I really didn’t think much about it.  Then a few minutes later, I get a call from my neighbor, Lisa, asking where I was and her husband said the house behind our house in a flag lot was on fire.  I then get a text from Ray, “House burned down behind us, GONE!”

Okay, that is it!  I freaked.  It was around 100 degrees which is way not normal for the Northwest.  My daughter saw the look on my face and I freaked and yelled, “The house behind us is on fire!”  We started getting our stuff together right at the same time our food arrived to our table.  We told the nice gentleman we have to leave NOW and if he can pack our food up in a hurry.  We paid, grabbed the food and ran out the door to the car.

As I am driving, I am now getting a ton of texts from the neighbors.  My daughter was smart and told me to take the back route home because probably the main roads would be closed and she was right.

We entered our subdivision through the back route and you could smell the smoke.  You should have seen all the people out in the streets.  Some people were worried if they were going to have to evacuate the subdivision.

We drove up to our house and Oh My Gosh!  I just about had a heart attack.  This is our house with the house behind ours on fire.  The house on fire is in a flag lot with 5 other homes surrounding the house.  Everyone in the neighborhood thought our house was on fire.While Kels and I were out for dinner, this is what Ray was doing, trying to keep the fire away from our house.  The video is only 2 minutes long, but it gets freaky near the end when windows get blown out and the firefighter yelling for water to be turned on.  There were 5 other homes that had damage and one of the homes, the family had to move out for 2 months because their house also caught fire and another house had windows blown out.  Our house was the ONLY house that did not have any damage or smoke damage.  We were blessed.

If I was home, I would have had a heart attack.  Ray said if I was home, he would have had me up on the upper deck with a water hose trying to put out the fire.  I strongly believe Ray and a neighbor saved our house by using our garden hoses that kept the fire at bay.  Ray had to use his shirt over his nose and mouth because of the smoke.  He kept wondering when the firefighters were coming.  Because of the heat and winds, there were 75 firefighters and 10 fire engines along with a fire truck with a ladder.

More pictures of of the house on fire: 

Song:  “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)” song by HILLSONG UNITED

On the morning of 09/05/2014, I went to Providence Newberg Medical Center to have my yearly mammogram and ultrasound.  After putting on the small hospital gown, I was directed to a room to have the mammogram.  The tech stated there were no orders for an ultrasound to be done after the mammogram and I would need to reschedule.  Geewhiz!  I explained this mammo visit was set up 2 months ago and this was the only day I have off from work.  I just had blood work done an hour ago, and if I have to reschedule it will be sometime in November, 2 months from now.  The scheduler somehow managed for an ultrasound to take place TODAY, as long as I would wait for an hour.  No problem, I can wait and so back to the dressing room I went to put on that flimsy hospital gown.

After a set of mammogram pictures taken, I was told by the tech that I had microcalcifications in clusters in each breast and another set of mammogram pictures with magnification were done.  After the mammogram, I was directed to the ultrasound room.  An ultrasound tech came in and was told to focus in a certain area on my left side to try and find a lump/mass/tumor.  We both hunted for this lump and nothing showed up.   Finally, a radiologist came into the room and discussed my mammogram results.  The radiologist stated that due to the microcalcifications in clusters in each breast,  we could wait for about 3 months or even 6 months and have another mammogram to see if anything grows or move forward with a double breast biopsy.  He explained that the small microcalcifications could be due to age, hormones, and a dozen of reasons, but one of the bad reasons could be pre-cancer cells starting to form and some of the cells are dying off and turning into mineral deposits causing these microcalcifications.  Radiologist also stated he did not see any mass, lump, or tumor which means there is an 80% chance of having NO cancer, but thought a double breast biopsy would be a good idea and I would be hearing from a nurse to schedule the biopsy.

I left the hospital and was just in shock.  I sat in the car at the hospital parking lot and called my husband and told him the news.  I then decided to take a drive and drove straight to Lincoln City, Oregon and sat at the beach watching the waves come to shore, trying to not panic and clear my head.  My cell phone rang and it was the nurse and we scheduled the double breast biopsy for September 18, 2014.

I had no idea that this would be the start of the emotional roller coaster ride with numerous office visits, and trying to juggle time off from my job to attend all the clinic visits, the financial costs I will be having to pay out of pocket due to a high $10,000 out of pocket max, especially when diagnosed at the end of the year and having no problem meeting that deductible and then starting the new year having to meet a new high deductible.  So completely unfair!!  My husband, Ray, just started a new job and we were not given the opportunity to get cancer insurance until October (a few weeks after being diagnosed) and you are to be cancer free.  I tend to have the worst dumb luck, yet my name, Nadine, means HOPE.  The stress of this diagnosis and what it does not only to yourself, but to your family and friends is unreal.   Some people say stress can cause cancer, but yet cancer sure as heck causes way more stress.