Song:  “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)” song by HILLSONG UNITED

On the morning of 09/05/2014, I went to Providence Newberg Medical Center to have my yearly mammogram and ultrasound.  After putting on the small hospital gown, I was directed to a room to have the mammogram.  The tech stated there were no orders for an ultrasound to be done after the mammogram and I would need to reschedule.  Geewhiz!  I explained this mammo visit was set up 2 months ago and this was the only day I have off from work.  I just had blood work done an hour ago, and if I have to reschedule it will be sometime in November, 2 months from now.  The scheduler somehow managed for an ultrasound to take place TODAY, as long as I would wait for an hour.  No problem, I can wait and so back to the dressing room I went to put on that flimsy hospital gown.

After a set of mammogram pictures taken, I was told by the tech that I had microcalcifications in clusters in each breast and another set of mammogram pictures with magnification were done.  After the mammogram, I was directed to the ultrasound room.  An ultrasound tech came in and was told to focus in a certain area on my left side to try and find a lump/mass/tumor.  We both hunted for this lump and nothing showed up.   Finally, a radiologist came into the room and discussed my mammogram results.  The radiologist stated that due to the microcalcifications in clusters in each breast,  we could wait for about 3 months or even 6 months and have another mammogram to see if anything grows or move forward with a double breast biopsy.  He explained that the small microcalcifications could be due to age, hormones, and a dozen of reasons, but one of the bad reasons could be pre-cancer cells starting to form and some of the cells are dying off and turning into mineral deposits causing these microcalcifications.  Radiologist also stated he did not see any mass, lump, or tumor which means there is an 80% chance of having NO cancer, but thought a double breast biopsy would be a good idea and I would be hearing from a nurse to schedule the biopsy.

I left the hospital and was just in shock.  I sat in the car at the hospital parking lot and called my husband and told him the news.  I then decided to take a drive and drove straight to Lincoln City, Oregon and sat at the beach watching the waves come to shore, trying to not panic and clear my head.  My cell phone rang and it was the nurse and we scheduled the double breast biopsy for September 18, 2014.

I had no idea that this would be the start of the emotional roller coaster ride with numerous office visits, and trying to juggle time off from my job to attend all the clinic visits, the financial costs I will be having to pay out of pocket due to a high $10,000 out of pocket max, especially when diagnosed at the end of the year and having no problem meeting that deductible and then starting the new year having to meet a new high deductible.  So completely unfair!!  My husband, Ray, just started a new job and we were not given the opportunity to get cancer insurance until October (a few weeks after being diagnosed) and you are to be cancer free.  I tend to have the worst dumb luck, yet my name, Nadine, means HOPE.  The stress of this diagnosis and what it does not only to yourself, but to your family and friends is unreal.   Some people say stress can cause cancer, but yet cancer sure as heck causes way more stress.